Mr. R morning high and my self pity party...

It was 10:34pm and the kids are still up and playing. It's summer after all. I let them go to bed late and wake up late too. I want my kids to be kids. A lot of parents put their kids into so many activities that these children don't have time to play around and be kids anymore. I know not all will agree with me. That's fine too. I just want my kids to enjoy being kids. Before too long, they will grow up and with that came along responsibilities, studies, bills and etc. I want them to go out and ride their bike, play catch or just run around in the backyard chasing the butterfly (err in my case, the kids are digging for olly polly and worms, yucks!)

Mr. N and Mr. R are still trying to negotiate their bedtime when I told them to brush their teeth and to start their pre-bedtime reading ritual. Told Mr. R to check his BG. If its low, I will give him an apple juice before he brush his teeth. He tested at 108 and Dexcom showed him at 110 with a stable arrow. Yay!!! Lower down his basal rate to -20% for the next 2 hours so he will not dip down during the night since he had full two hours of tae kwan do and board breaking at 5pm.

I went to bed and set the alarm at 2am to check again. Than to dreamland I went. ZZZZzzzzzzzz

At 2am, my alarm went off, got up and check Mr. R's BG again (checking his blood sugar in semi darkness is part of my expertise now)! he was at 103. Another yay!!!
Checked Mr. N and pull the blanket on him since he kicked it off the bed. Baby E whimpered in his sleep but went back to sleep.

My alarm went off again at 5:30am to remind me that I have to wake up and get ready for work. Decided to check Mr. R's BG again before I head out since he will not wake up until later. He was at 280.  WHAT??????? How did I slept through the Dexcom alarm?. Give him a bolus and whispered to him that he needs to check his sugar when he wakes up and let grandpa or grandma knows to prepare breakfast.

I am so tired.. I wish I could just go to sleep and not worry about anything. Sleep was the only sanctuary for me before. That is the only place I can go and leave behind my worries about my work, my daily routine and all the other things that a mom have to do (cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, water the plants, reading with the kids, arrange for play dates, after school activities and bla,bla..). Now my sanctuary is no longer there. I found myself falling asleep while I'm driving to and from work almost at a daily basis. I felt like my mind and body are so exhausted that I wonder how I even functions.

Oh and did I mentioned that I worked as a Payroll Manager for a company with approximately 900 employees in multiple states? I am in constant panic that through all this thing at home, I might have forgotten to pay someone. God must have been watching over me as I go through my days and nights, and for that I gave my Lord my thanks. Also ,the fact that I work for such wonderful people who lets me have a flexible working schedule so I can still balance my work at the office and my responsibility at home, really helps.

I hope and pray to never get sick, or die before my children can take care of themselves. My MIL is always reminding me how my dad past away so young due to cancer. In a way she is probably concern that she might have to take care of my children if anything happen to me. No worries MIL, if I die, my mom and sister will take my children.

It is now 8:30am. I just called my step mother in law who is at home with the kids. The kids' nanny is on a 2 weeks hiatus. My step MIL is a wonderful grandma. She told me that Mr. R woke up, took a shower, brush his teeth and hair, ask for a bowl of cereal (that is 1.5 cup of cereal plus 1 cup of milk = 44g of carb) and checked his sugar without anyone asking him to do so. I'm glad he is getting more matured. He's only 6 but diabetes made him grow up a little faster!

That's Mr. R on top, Mr. N in the middle and Baby E.

Baby E chomping on potato chips